Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy

To go outside, and there perchance to stay
Or remain within: that is the question:
Whether ‘tis better for a cat to suffer
The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
That Nature rains on those who roam abroad,
Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet,
And so by dozing melt the solid hours
That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time
And stall the dinner bell. To sit, to stare
Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state
A wish to venture forth without delay
Then when the portal's opened up, to stand
As if transfixed by doubt. To prowl; to sleep;
To choose not knowing when once more
Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball;
For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob,
Or work a lock, or slip a window-catch
And going out, and coming in, were made
As simple as the breaking of a bowl,
 What cat would bear the household's petty plagues
The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom,
The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears,
The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks
The fur is heir to, when, of his own free will
He might his exodus, or entrance make
With a mere mitten? Who would spaniel's fear,
Or strays trespassing from a neighbors yard,
But that the dread of our unheeded cries
And scratches at the barricaded door
No claws can open up, dispel our nerve
And makes us rather bear our human's faults
Than run away to un-guessed miseries?
Thus caution doth make house cats of us all;
And thus the bristling hair of resolution
Is softened up with the pale brush of thought,
And since our choices hinge on weighty things,
We pause upon the threshold of decision.

 -- Author Unknown

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